Have you ever...

Had a conversation where you wanted to say something but the other person never took the attention off themselves or bothered to ask about you?

That pretty much sums up the last 3 to 4 months of my life.

I'll probably regret posting this

"Don't take things personally and be kind because everyone is fighting their own battles"

I've been depressed lately. This has lasted kind of a long time and I'm not sure if anyone has really noticed. I'm not entirely sure why. I guess things just didn't turn out how I expected. I have a hard time caring about anything anymore. I can't motivate myself to do anything and I've lost interest in a lot of things I used to love. I sometimes sit in class or whatever and just try to think of reasons why I want to be alive. I know there are reasons but I just can't think of any sometimes. I know I've just gotten myself in a rut and I need to work on getting out. I've been working really hard on finding the beauty and joy in everyday life and keeping a positive outlook but it's hard sometimes. That's why I need to apologize. I'm sorry if I haven't been what you've needed me to be. I'm sorry if I can't give you the attention or effort you want or need. I'm sorry if I'm not the person I used to be. I'm sorry if I have trouble caring or putting effort into anything; don't take it personally, I seem to be having that problem in all aspects of my life. I've been trying to focus on myself and really work on changing my thinking and getting back to how I used to be. So call me selfish, stubborn, ignorant, etc but there are some things I just have to do for myself. I'm sorry if I haven't been there or been what you want me to be lately.

if only...

If the world caves in and death comes knocking on your door will you be upset you didn't study more?

I'm alive but I'm not living

I was stressed
depressed
a paranoid neurotic
writhing mess
But as soon as I met your eye
the clouds began to part in my sky
I began to shed my depression
like snakeskin
acquired through shallow misdirection

Someday I'll die. My skin will turn blue.
If I should meet God and he asks me how I made it through
I'll smile and tell him it's all thanks to you
If he sends me down from the sky
to give this world a second try
just as soon as I can trust my feet
I won't ever look back once I cross the street
I'll search the world for something true
but nothing will ever be as good as you

I'd spend my days working for a life with you.

Pray for Rain

Perception

We are really in control of the world around us. It's just about our perception of everything and how we process it. If you really think about it everything you see, hear, touch, feel, experience is just how your brain interprets various chemical and electrical messages. If you think about this we really have to power to completely control our life and make the world what we want it.

"Everybody perceives in a particular way that they're able or comfortable to perceive. I don't think it's just with music; it's how we grow in the world. That's why it's not necessarily important to make a grand sweeping gesture with your contribution to the world. Because you can say something that just one person has the ears to hear. And that person may be inspired to do something that changes the quality of their lives and in turn changes other people's lives. Whether it's the way we listen to music or our conception of life, our perception is continually evolving...we create what's important to us at that particular time and in that particular frame of mind." -Steve Vai

Dirty Movies

I'm bored and want a distraction. All of these movies have titles that could be mistaken for pornos.

old yeller
yes man
fast and furious
meet the parents
toy story
charlie and the chocolate factory
the good, the bad, the ugly
american beauty
it's a wonderful life
band of brothers
a few good men
the rescuers down under
he's just not that into you
master and commander
bill and ted's excellent adventure
goodfellas
free willie
meet joe black
101 dalmations
lion king
lady and the tramp
beauty and the beast
the italian job
titanic
deep impact

lost

Life is made up of key moments, peaks. You seem to live peak to peak.

I forgot how much I could feel. To be so overcome with emotion. You get so bogged down with all the tediousness and banality of the daily grind you lose sight of things. you lost your perspective.

Lost in those eyes as her dark hair falls to the side. You lose track of time, it stops. I want to hold onto this moment forever. Just stay suspended there forever. Lie in that bed with her and let the world pass us by.

I love you
I forgot I could feel that much emotion.

Calvin Rocks

My friend Calvin got a pretty sweet gig. He's an incredibly talented musician. Watch this video, he's the bassist. ps the main kid tyler is talented. Watch out for him in a few years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P7Pp-PAPCg&feature=related