Sunday, November 15, 2009

I'll probably regret posting this

"Don't take things personally and be kind because everyone is fighting their own battles"

I've been depressed lately. This has lasted kind of a long time and I'm not sure if anyone has really noticed. I'm not entirely sure why. I guess things just didn't turn out how I expected. I have a hard time caring about anything anymore. I can't motivate myself to do anything and I've lost interest in a lot of things I used to love. I sometimes sit in class or whatever and just try to think of reasons why I want to be alive. I know there are reasons but I just can't think of any sometimes. I know I've just gotten myself in a rut and I need to work on getting out. I've been working really hard on finding the beauty and joy in everyday life and keeping a positive outlook but it's hard sometimes. That's why I need to apologize. I'm sorry if I haven't been what you've needed me to be. I'm sorry if I can't give you the attention or effort you want or need. I'm sorry if I'm not the person I used to be. I'm sorry if I have trouble caring or putting effort into anything; don't take it personally, I seem to be having that problem in all aspects of my life. I've been trying to focus on myself and really work on changing my thinking and getting back to how I used to be. So call me selfish, stubborn, ignorant, etc but there are some things I just have to do for myself. I'm sorry if I haven't been there or been what you want me to be lately.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

if only...

If the world caves in and death comes knocking on your door will you be upset you didn't study more?

I'm alive but I'm not living

I was stressed
depressed
a paranoid neurotic
writhing mess
But as soon as I met your eye
the clouds began to part in my sky
I began to shed my depression
like snakeskin
acquired through shallow misdirection

Someday I'll die. My skin will turn blue.
If I should meet God and he asks me how I made it through
I'll smile and tell him it's all thanks to you
If he sends me down from the sky
to give this world a second try
just as soon as I can trust my feet
I won't ever look back once I cross the street
I'll search the world for something true
but nothing will ever be as good as you

I'd spend my days working for a life with you.